That’s right, ‘tis the season, folks, and here at Empirical Spirits, we’re looking to spread some holiday cheer any way we can.
We considered covering our webshop in Santa gifs and posting some kind of advent calendar/countdown thing on Instagram, but after a brief moment of reflection we remembered that stuff isn’t really our deal. We’re a utilitarian bunch over here, and we’d rather get festive by helping you good people out somehow.
Gift-giving ain’t easy and the countdown clock is ticking. We’ve all found ourselves sweating in a mall two days before Christmas, staring at a list of names on our phone notes with no idea where to start. This year, we’re not going to let that happen to you, by giving you the greatest gift of all: a gift guide for our products.
Order from us before 17th December and we’ll be sure to have it to you before Christmas day. Without further ado:
Helena, to introduce a friend to us
Helena is our OG product - the mother spirit from which all our other spirits are derived. Back in 2017 we combined Eastern and Western fermentation techniques to create this double fermented, clear spirit out of barley koji, pilsner malt, and Belgian Saison yeast. If you’d like to introduce a friend to Empirical Spirits, Helena is the place to start.
Helena 75 cl, $70.
Ayuuk, for a storyteller
On a trip to Oaxaca City, Mexico, we were very into the depth of flavor of one particular chili: Pasilla Mixe, a chili grown at 2,700 meters above sea level by the Mixe people.We cleared out all 20 kilograms of stock, brought it back to Copenhagen and distilled this stuff out of it. There’s more to the story though, and it’s a fun story to tell. Get it for a raconteur you know.
Ayuuk 75 cl, $85
Bandit, a gift for a sophisticated palate
Bandit is pretty serious. To make it, we cold-smoke koji with juniper wood for 24 hours before macerating it in Helena. The spirit is then aged for seven days in red wine oak barrels to give it a subtle woody profile. To add a bit of acidity, we ferment a spent smoked koji kombucha, which once distilled, is separated into two cuts and aged in Cognac casks for a few weeks. Give a bottle of Bandit to a gourmand you know.
Bandit 75cl, $85
Fallen Pony, for the young at heart
Fallen Pony is a double-fermented quince tea spirit made from a base of quince, barley koji, Belgian Saison yeast, and pilsner malt wash. The spent material is fermented into a quince tea kombucha, vacuum distilled and then used to rectify the final product to preserve the sweet botanical notes, highlight hints of marzipan, and provide balanced acidity. All of this is a fancy way of saying Fallen Pony tastes like childhood, somehow.
Fallen Pony 75cl, $85
Fuck Trump And His Stupid Fucking Wall, a statement in gift form
A crystal clear statement of intent in a bottle, Fuck Trump and His Stupid Fucking Wall is the tastiest political statement ever created. It is a refreshingly smooth, warm, vegetal tasting habanero spirit made from a base of pearled barley, Belgian saison yeast, and koji. The clear product is rectified with a habanero vinegar that gives it a 27% ABV that imparts an intensely fruity habanero profile without any of the heat—capsaicin, which causes the unbearable sensation of spice, is removed during the distillation process.
Fuck Trump and His Stupid Fucking Wall 75cl, $85
Can’t make the call on what Empirical Spirits product suits your giftee? Throw your hands in the air and get them an e-gift card. Sure, it’s a cop out in a way, but the true gift you’re giving them here is the chance to find out about Empirical themselves - a real privilege. Online gift cards are delivered by email shortly after your order is placed and contain instructions on how to to redeem them at checkout.
E-Giftcard from $25